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About Me Deviant Member Sarah26/Female/United Kingdom Groups group avatar #Mord-Sith-Fanclub
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Nothing but Sharks...

Journal Entry: Sat May 19, 2012, 10:11 AM
It's been a rough few days...really rough...

First major badness appeared in the form of my Father. I haven't seen him in 6 years and our last phone conversation was two years ago, when he hung up on me after a major argument and I threw my beloved blackberry against the wall in a fit of rage and tears.

Out of the blue I got a text saying he has moved back from Ireland and wanted to meet. I was ok with that, dreading it, but ok. Until the day of the meeting when i had an emotional breakdown at work and sobbed my heart out in the locker room. I guess years of pent up rage, frustration and just plain Daddy issues can only be kept at bay for so long.

Anyway, after some much needed pep talks from my bestie I strode out to conquer my fear and face him.

It went exactly as i expected. Needless to say I will not be repeating a meeting anytime soon. But it was ok, i got my head round it and let myself relax.

Great right? I thought so too. I went to work the next day feeling happier than I have in ages. i was singing as i worked, chatting and joking with everyone in the lab. It was a great day.

Then one of my colleagues, a guy who has been up and down with me for a long time, decided to take his sexual harassment of me to physical level.

And because i was at work, because i couldn't believe it was happening and because i was in terrified shock...all my self defense training and martial arts went out of the window.

I managed to get away and yell "What the F*** are you doing!!" but that was it.
That was the extent of my defense. And he just smiled, and made a disgusting remark about what he'd just done.

All the trust, all the confidence, all my new strength just fell away and i was 20 again at the mercy of a man who was just taking what he wanted.

It was an hour later, when i was in a private meeting with my boss and describing the encounter that it really hit me what had happened. I still feel sick thinking about it, took me a while to stop shaking.

I asked my boss not to fire him, though i'm starting to wonder what possessed me to show that much mercy after what he's done. He's out on his arse if he tries it again and I'm not going to give him the opportunity.

My worst fears were touched upon, things from my past i've worked hard to over come have suddenly been flung back in my face. I'm going to have to fight demons I thought I had defeated.

Pervert-idly this happened hours after i had decided that i was confident enough around guys to join a dating site.
Plenty of Fish .com is the one i chose. I was so excited about it. I had all these dreams of meeting that one special guy soon and then that B***** had to do this too me.

When i got home from work i couldn't bare to even think about the dating site. The thought of any man near me made me feel sick all over again. The fear is back and its stronger than i remember.

It's not Plenty of Fish to me now...it's Nothing but Sharks...

It didn't help that on my facebook i was sudden;y confronted by a guy from school, messaging me for dates when he already had a girlfriend. Disgusted about it i pointed out he had a daughter AND a fiancee and his reply was "So what? I don't see why that's a problem if we're discrete."  I logged out only to be bombarded by more messages from him until i blocked him altogether.

Everything seems so dark suddenly.

I never thought I'd need rescuing, would never admit to it but I'm so tired of being afraid.

I want my knight to appear. The kind of guy I dream of. I want him to sweep me up and hold me and say "It's ok, I'm here, you don't have to be afraid anymore..."

And for my part I'll let him say it, and I'll let myself believe it...

  • Mood: Miserable
  • Listening to: stand in the rain - superchick
  • Drinking: Tea

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  • Current Residence: The Midlands, UK
  • Interests: Manga, writing, sketching, Luke Goss
  • Favourite movie: Practical Magic
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  • MP3 player of choice: Ipod
  • Favourite game: Chess
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  • Tools of the Trade: pencil, pad and scanner

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:iconlaloopie:
Oh oh ohhhhhh... its perfect!! LOLOLOL I thought of you right away LOL ----> [link]

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:iconvampirebait:
Lmao!!! Omg i love it!!! Now i just need to figure out how to steal it for msn

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"The world would be a very different place if Boudica had won her final battle. She lost and we live with the consequences. It is too late to go back and remake history. It is not too late to go forward differently." Manda Scott, final words of Boudica
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:iconlaloopie:
I tried.... it comes up too small in MSN :( But you can use it in the forum if its in a photobucket or somesuch :P

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For the return of Prince Nuada :bulletred: Hidden Realm Entertainment :bulletred: ... bring back the Elf!
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:iconnecros24:
Thanks for the Llama! :)

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"My ultimate aim would be to captivate an audience, even just for a second." - Tabrett Bethell

Visit my blog for information about her projects! [link]
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:iconmmsmith1777:
:iconawedanceplz: Thank you so much for adding my work to your favorites once more, 'Bait Baby!! :iconawedance2plz:

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:rose: my book is Boris and Patricia here[link] AND at Amazon.com here [link] :heart:
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:iconazarielvos:
~AzarielVos 6 days ago  Professional Artist
Thanks for the Llama Badge!!
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:iconrachelevans1013:
*Rachelevans1013 Feb 29, 2012  Professional Writer
MEME tag!!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!![link]

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Life is made of meetings & partings; that is the way of it~~ Kermit
:rose: My other page is *MMSmith1777
My novel is Boris and Patricia here [link] , and on Amazon.com
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:iconvampirebait:
lol i saw tis awesome!! i want to get jo to do it with me!

--
"The world would be a very different place if Boudica had won her final battle. She lost and we live with the consequences. It is too late to go back and remake history. It is not too late to go forward differently." Manda Scott, final words of Boudica
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:iconrachelevans1013:
*Rachelevans1013 Mar 3, 2012  Professional Writer
Fantastic!!!

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Life is made of meetings & partings; that is the way of it~~ Kermit
:rose: My other page is *MMSmith1777
My novel is Boris and Patricia here [link] , and on Amazon.com
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:iconrachelevans1013:
*Rachelevans1013 Feb 24, 2012  Professional Writer
For you [link]

Happy Birthday! :heart:

--
Life is made of meetings & partings; that is the way of it~~ Kermit
:rose: My other page is *MMSmith1777
My novel is Boris and Patricia here [link] , and on Amazon.com
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